10 ‘onion’ articles that perfectly summarize the marketing industry

Vladimir Nabokov once said, “Satire is a lesson.” I totally agree. When a company or industry becomes a joke, they shouldn’t let it go — they should see it as an opportunity to see themselves in a different light. If they do, a lot of valuable lessons can be learned.

To get your education started, here are 10 articles from The Onion that will make market-goers want to cry.

Best quote:

“I think that’s the career path that will make the best use of my networking skills and my ability to think outside the box,” says Deenan, whose smug, gloating tone and smug smile just makes you mad. wanted to punch his goddamn tooth. “So I’m definitely thinking about marketing. Either that, or PR.

Marketers are often not considered the most genuine — or likable — people. A recent study by McCarthy’s group found that 84 percent of millennials don’t like ads. So they can expect you to become, as The Onion puts it, “undeniably the most hated, most hated person to ever walk the earth.”

How do marketers become more likable? Simple: They create content that really provides value to the reader. Do that, and you won’t have to worry about getting punched in the mouth.

Best quote:

After 30 minutes of serious feedback to the office e-mails, Strassman obediently stepped into the elevator to the 18 third-floor meeting rooms, momentarily hoping the door would open on an empty shaft.

Oof. Too many buzzwords and acronyms harm your brain? If any of you relate to this title, I have three words for you: Quit. Your. Job. Are you filled with regrets because you never lived up to your childhood dream? Untie the ropes and write a novel that probably won’t sell 500 copies.

Best quote:

Sources inside the brains of local man Eric Chen confirmed this week that a large corporation’s recent online advertising campaign was so unsuccessful that its immediate effect could be felt. received in Chen’s subconscious.

Hopefully you already know this — banner ads suck. Have you ever clicked on a banner ad and felt satisfied with the decision? No, you may have a computer virus or a dozing mouse. Besides, as a recent study from PageFair shows , ad blocking has grown 41 percent in the past year. You can also focus on creating quality content that is useful to consumers, not content that is acquired. click rate of 0.12 percent.

Best quote:

“People love reading sponsored posts, it’s the best way to make people trust and respect your brand, and this website is the best place for a company like us to promote our products. products,” a company spokesman said, again, really think it has effectively strengthened my image with the purchase of these four sentences, 164 – articles are clearly labeled on a popular website as part of promotional material.

As we talked about before , sponsored content still has credibility issues. Unless, of course, you’re The Onion, and Adobe is cool enough to sponsor a self-mocking post.

Best quote:

“What if he confronts a cheetah or a jaguar or maybe, like, an antelope? ” said Dewitt while standing in front of a PowerPoint slide labeled “Animals”. “Maybe we did something funny when it was the Olympics and Usain looked over and saw all these nimble animals in the lane next to him. Anyway the race started, Usain beat the animals, and when they were on the winning podium he looked at the cheetah like ‘uh-oh’ as ​​the cheetah growled at him. ”

It’s hard to come up with creative ideas when you’ve been in the advertising game for a long time. But when you do throw the towel in, try to do it discreetly. For example, don’t advertise “Usain Bolt: Fast Guy”. Otherwise, The Onion will find you and cost your self-esteem.

Best quote:

Pfeiffer then reassured herself that she and her client could be far worse, pointing to Tommy Bahama’s “sad” long-term relationship with 45-to-60-year-old single men. annual income less than $50,000.

18-to-34 – ages are the dream demographic. We are vaguely aware of the trends involved, we have more money than middle school kids, and we pay silly sums just to look hot.

But 35-to-44-years-old? They just want products that are comfortable and don’t kill them. Just a football truck that looks safe on a billboard is all it takes.

Best quote:

“Certainly, as he gets older, web trends may change. But let my son know in his heart that impressions form the mainstay of brand awareness — nothing can take that away from him. ”

If you want to be a good father, you use The Onion for parenting advice. Just ask Brian Emmerich, the fictional subject of this article, who taught his 3-year-old son the value of advertising. After the impression, he’ll move on to lessons on click-through rates, heat map analysis, and explaining the importance of social distribution. What did you do today?

Best quote:

Just click an ad. The current. I mean MUST NOW. Move your mouse two inches to the edge of the screen, expand one of your opposing five digits, and lightly press the button in the left corner. Takes about two seconds, if that. A child can do it. And not even a smart kid. One of those stupid games.

You know, satire hit high marks when publishers started using the same method without any irony. Just ask Wired created a popup reality reads: “Please support us and disable your ad blocker.” The art of imitating life.

Best quote:

Nooyi told reporters that the company’s $1.3 billion annual advertising budget would be put into Pepsi’s savings accounts, spread between different charities and split into monies. generous bonuses for factory employees with the company’s minimum wage.

Sometimes I wonder why giant companies like Pepsi still advertise. Haven’t they gotten to the point of trying too hard in their culture to make a difference through advertising? Capitalism won’t allow it, but if Pepsi stopped advertising, wouldn’t the world be a better place? Besides the fact that we will all lose our jobs… [/note]

Best quote:

Olay executives say they also plan to launch a social media campaign using the hashtag #allbodiesarebeautiful, which the company predicts will boost women’s self-esteem just enough to be able to. “really knocks them down” with an ad in which women are warned that they are unfit to appear in public in a swimsuit if they haven’t applied a body-firming lotion.

Too real.

By Nguyen Manh Cuong

Nguyen Manh Cuong is the author and founder of the nguyendiep blog. With over 14 years of experience in Online Marketing, he now runs a number of successful websites, and occasionally shares his experience & knowledge on this blog.

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